Dog & Me & Baby Makes Three - Chapter 2: I'm sick and tired of this (already)
Watching Dog drinking seawater makes me want to throw up. Not watching him makes me want to throw up too. So does closing my eyes. Oh dear.
'Drinking seawater makes me want to throw up,’ thinks Dog.
Watching Dog throw up makes me want to throw up.
———-
It’s really hard concentrating around people who don’t know I’m pregnant. They say:
‘You know that really important work project? Can you please show me the new method?’, and I hear:
‘You know that really important thing that’s about to change your life? Can you please not throw up on my shoes?’
My day feels defined by what I am not doing. Not throwing up. Not falling asleep at my desk. Not getting as much done as I want to. Not drinking on Friday night.
I actually feel pathetic and a bit angry at myself. I had always heard women ‘glow’ during pregnancy and I’m really not (ooh I can add 'Not glowing' to my whinge list!). Am I not as tough as I thought I was? Maybe I just misheard and I’m normal: women ‘grow’ during pregnancy. That’s doable.
———
One good thing is that Dog seems to have relaxed a lot thanks to my mature strategy-making a few weeks ago. He’s still a bit ‘helpful’ when I go to the loo and a bit testy with dogs who jump on me. But no more snacking on the couch at lunchtime, which is a big relief.
'Did you look vaguely in my direction? Yes, I’d love a walk - great idea!’
The trouble is, I’m not my normal self. I just want to curl up on the couch and eat Milo (out of the can in full view - I’m an adult and I do what I want!) (Until I have a kid of my own and have to be a role model.)
As I was saying before I was interrupted by my monkey mind (the best analogy - definitely look it up if you haven’t heard of it): 'Sorry Dog, I’m feeling lethargic - I just want to curl up on the couch and eat Milo...'
'Hmm. Would it help if I curl up on the couch and eat Milo with you? Then we can go for a walk.’
'I’m sorry I’m so boring right now. Would you like to play a game here at home?’
'I’m going to answer that with...the Unflinching Stare!'
'Are you hungry already?’
‘Well, I’m always hungry - but you’re thinking of the Constant Gaze With Worried Eyes. Since you seem to need support today, I’ll give you a clue...’
Dog plops a filthy ball in my lap and resumes the Unflinching Stare.
‘Ah! Fetch in the backyard it is.'
———
Dog and I have come up with a list.
Things Dog can do at home while I’m feeling boring:
I strike the scent of prey and track, unerring. It can walk no further - the prize is mine!
I’ll stuff his meals into Kongs and egg cartons and hide them - scavenging counts as tracking your own food.
With the stealth of a great predator, I stalk my prey. Sensing the critical moment, I break from the bushes and chase it down with astonishing swiftness, then return to the den bearing a gift for my grateful family.
I’ll throw the ball then shall I?
I want to kill, kill, kill!
That would be…a game of tug?
I am free in the wilderness, slinking under bushes, bounding over rocks...
I’ve found two ways to make this happen: if I feel up to playing I lure dog up and down the steps, under the table and through a kid's tunnel I found at an op shop; or if I need to lie on the couch, I just hide treats around the place then let him back inside to sniff them all out.
Vermin? I’m on the job!
This one’s my favourite at the moment - I just have to sit down with his dinner and toss dog biscuits one at a time across the floor.
You know how you like to read and watch TV? I like using my nose that much.
I’ve been collecting boxes so I can put them around the place and Dog has to figure out which ones have his breakfast in them. Super fun to watch.
My mind is a laser! I practice amazing feats of skill and daredevil to earn great riches and the love of a good woman.
This is gold. We’re just practicing your basic dog training but I act like its a game and he’s all over it!
Everyone loves me soooo much!
Jack and I have been playing Ping-Pong Dog. We score a point if he comes straight to us, and lose a point if he’s slow or sniffs something on the way. More sneaky training - his recall at the park has been way better since we started this.
Facts, resources and tips:
Need some anti-feel-awful-during-pregnancy tips?
Unexpected pregnancy side-effects sometimes make life a bit harder than we thought it would be. For evidence-based advice on handling the (extensive!) list of annoyances, read this article on Common Concerns In Early Pregnancy.
Are you finding work a bit more of a challenge than normal?
This article has a sound Do and Don’t list, and this one has extra ideas about complications like scheduling doctor visits and handling nausea.
Why is my dog staring at me like that?!
Dogs gaze or stare at a us for different reasons: affection, as part of their telepathic persuasion technique, or sometimes as a warning for you to back off (you really don’t want to stare back if they look tense). This article has a simple description of common reasons for staring and what the different stares look like.
Did you know that dogs have evolved to use facial expressions to communication with humans? There is a lot of really interesting research in this area. Here are a few examples:
This study comparing the behaviour of wolves and dogs showed that dogs look to humans much more than wolves do when they are faced with an unsolvable puzzle. Since the animals had were hand-reared to have the same contact with humans, this suggests that dog-human eye contact is genetically-driven - the result of domestication. Here is an easy to read summary.
This study showed that dogs display more facial expressions when people are watching. Using a controlled experimental design, the researchers could show that this is related to communication with humans, not just the emotional state of the dog. Here is an easy to read summary.
And saving the cutest for last, this study examined the evolution of those puppy dog eyes that we all find hard to ignore. Comparing anatomy of wolf and dog facial muscles showed that a muscle required for ‘raising the inner eyebrow intensely’ has been selected for during domestication. In other words, it’s our own fault that we can’t resist giving a treat to our pleading dogs. Here is an easy to read summary.